Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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