she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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