bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
