why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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