Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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