38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
