i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
