I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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