his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Randomize