How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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