Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
