she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
