Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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