she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
