At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
