well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
