I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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