i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
