I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
