your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
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On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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