theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
