Plan B is the new Plan A
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
