I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
