That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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