Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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