Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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