He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
