at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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