I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
