Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
