Screwed.edu
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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