i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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