Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
