So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
