i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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