I puked a lego.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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