I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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