Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
