there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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