i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
