they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
