oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
