Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
