Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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