dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
