The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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