if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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