Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
His hands were made for my vagina.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
