Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My bed smells like the plague
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize