You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
