I wish I could teleport
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
