another moral hangover. fuck.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
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New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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