that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
