That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
