All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize