I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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