The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
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well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Can I color on your dick again?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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