just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize