its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
