You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
