Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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