he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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