Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
