R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
