hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
