I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
