We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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