i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i came on her dog
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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